Better

Yesterday I ate ice cream. I ate triple vanilla bean ice cream on top of a hot pecan pie. I ate it because I was allowed. I didn’t eat it because I had to. I didn’t eat it because I couldn’t resist. I ate it because I told myself I could; because I earned it.  I ate it because it was a reward, a treat.

I haven’t had any sugar since August 13th. I committed on September 1st that I would not have any “cheats” until December 1st. I wanted to try it. I wanted to make a habit of not eating shit. I can’t say in that almost 4 month period that I had perfect nutrition. Portions were sometimes bad. I sacrificed quality for quantity and vice-versa. Two diet cokes somehow snuck in and I may have eaten an entire jar of cashew/almond butter in one setting (whoops.) That may or may not have even happened multiple times. I, however, was successful at having absolutely no sugar, no sugar derivatives, honey, syrup, fructose…any of that. Until yesterday.

I decided on September 1st I would not cheat until December 1st and I cheated December 2nd. Toward the end of November people who knew about my diet asked me if I was planning to cheat December 1st. I hadn’t. I truly hadn’t. I had no desire to cheat. I was very happy with where I was and the road I was on. Perfect, no. But better. And liberated. Very liberated from the burden of chronically deprivin myself from food I wanted.

I remember how hard it used to be to get back on. Cheating, binging, and falling off used to take me months, weeks, and days to recover and get back on track.

Yesterday I cheated and then I had a stomach ache and I carried on. Today is just like last week. I enjoyed my healthy lunch and I’m not hungry. I’m not beating myself up about my cheat. And my cheat didn’t turn into a binge.

I cheated to challenge myself; to benchmark my progress. I am so much better, so much stronger. This cheat was over as soon as it was over. That’s never happened before.

And my healthy lunch (the first time I ate after having eaten the ice cream, mainly because it made my stomach hurt) really tasted just as good as the ice cream. Maybe better….without the stomach ache. I really, truly see no need to have ice cream again. I’m not waiting to have my next cheat. I don’t want it. I really truly don’t. This is the cure to the biggest problem I’ve ever had in my entire life to a problem I’ve had my entire life…just to put in perspective why this is significant to me.

Whatever your problem, strive for perfect. Learn and be better.