Chronic Deprivation?

So we’ve established you’re not on a diet. We know that. You’ve made a lifestyle change. Cool. There is a huge difference and you know that now.  You’re learning…

So what’s up with all the 30 day diets?

I remember when I was a little kid, watching people eat shit I wouldn’t allow myself to eat, thinking when is my turn? I recognized the absurdity of a “diet” when I was young, maybe 9 or 10, and knew that I had to do this forever, not just temporarily.  Was I unlucky enough to be cursed with a lifetime of deprivation? That seems so harsh. Could I be so unlucky? It took me about 15 years to answer this.

Happiness is always the ultimate goal. If you are unhappy with the mirror, most likely you are unhappy with your life.  But staring at someone eat, green with envy, constantly worried, constantly hungry, constantly deprived…that’s not very happy either.

I’m here today to tell you people you don’t have to choose between being fat or constantly deprived. You don’t have to chose between unhappy and unhappy.

You just have to not want the things you don’t really want.

I used to slam some fast food. Now McDonald’s disgusts me. I don’t feel deprived at all that I don’t eat it. Quite the opposite, actually. I feel blessed that I am disgusted with McDonalds.  Mt. Dew disgusts me.  I see my clients drink it and I get a queasy stomach, my teeth feel grainy from the sugar I imagine nestled on my teeth.

You get the point.

It’s not all easy. I’m getting there. Ice cream still looks pretty yummy and doughnuts still smell pretty good, but it’s getting easier. I think of the spike in my blood sugar, the insulin, the bloated feeling, the inflammation, the feeling of failure, the cravings for more after having just a little…etc. It makes it easier to turn it from something I am not allowed to have to something I don’t want to have. Deprivation Free.

I truly do not want to eat anything that isn’t good for me, anymore. I am not deprived; I am not waiting for my diet to end. I am just eating, lifting and living and it’s fucking liberating.  I’m not so jealous of the people eating cake anymore. I feel bad for them because they are as trapped as I used to be.

I’ve had a lot of jealousy issues. Clearly, I’ve loved food my whole life. I have always been so mad that I HAD to be on a diet; that everything in my life seemed to revolve around something some people just didn’t have to worry about. It’s a lot for me to deal with, as a child and now. I lost a lot to this fight, but gained so much more in the end. I thank God every day that I have this wonderfully slow metabolism and chronic perfectionism tied together. I would have never cared about fitness or nutrition if it didn’t spawn from my desire to be skinny. And look what it has turned into! My life, my passion, my goals,my dreams -all have stemmed from my continued failures.

Eliminate bullshit from your life, my friends. Bullshit of all kinds. You’ll only end up with awesome once the bullshit is gone…and it is so liberating.


Are we all just getting high?

This blog will be different than others. I didn’t have an epiphany and am in desperate desire to share with you what I’ve learned. This is a curiosity of mine. This is something I don’t know. This is something I wonder.

I was at a bar to watch the OSU game. I was offered a drink and I declined. He looked down at my water and asked ‘You’re not drinking?” I explained, for the 8 millionth time in my life, I don’t drink for health reasons; because I am an athlete.

And then the fairly typical next response comes “well how about just plain vodka.” I said “I am not depriving myself of alcohol for health reasons. I do that enough with food. I don’t want to drink at all. I don’t like being drunk.”  And this is the truth.

Up until this point this is all typical. I find myself in this conversation, typically 2-3 times a week.

His response then, was atypical. He asked what my high was. I thought of the rush; the crowd, the barbell, the team, the achievement, the mirror, and the dreams…it felt pretty awesome. It sounded like something I would give up a lot for.

Am I getting high?

Why do you drink alcohol? Why do you binge eat? Why do you sky dive? Or ride Motorcycles? Why do you snatch? Why do you persuse money? Why do you want the perfect career?  Why do you paint? Why do you try to raise perfect children?  Why do you smoke crack?

Are we all just getting high?